forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
