got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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