You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
