Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize