I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
