pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
