if you like me you must not know who I am
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
