I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
