But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
