If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
