he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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