i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Liz is crying about burritos again.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
pray to the hookup gods
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize