hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
