Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
