I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
