You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
