I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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