My sheets look like a crime scene.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
do herpes really smell.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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