she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
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