There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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