my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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