he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
