We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
