I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize