My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
