Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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