I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
