He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
it glows. i had to have it.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
