It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize