So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
