GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
