thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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