think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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