Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
