garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
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