i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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