i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
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