it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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