my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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