did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
be right there i have to get my cape
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Randomize
