So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
