i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
