I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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