i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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