i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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