wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I can't turn off my feet"
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize