just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
