You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
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