WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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