loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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