would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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