I never want to see another naked old woman again.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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