recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
