he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize