Betty ford says i'm here all night
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
