Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Randomize
