If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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