God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
