im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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