I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
