the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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