Your mouth is God's brothel.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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