you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
