no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I wish life had little blips of pornography
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
