i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
