your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
