Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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