either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
