Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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