I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
