I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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