I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
