really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
