omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Randomize
