if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
