If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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