a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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