from now on my penis is your penis
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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