come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Panties = found
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