She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
