Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
