would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
