To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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