omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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