my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Randomize
