im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize