Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
