You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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